As I grew older,

I didn't feel deep

I didn't feel

anything

When I was 16, I felt the sadness, I cried over a breakup song, I cried over a rom-com movies, and I cried over a cheesy teen lit novels. I laughed at a bad joke, I shivered over a disappointment in the melody of a really good song. 

I felt everything...

I sang from my heart...

I wrote everything...

23 made me anxious. I was heartless, I felt nothing, I just worried. I worried about the future too much. I worried about uncertainty. I didn't feel anything.

I still don't feel anything

 

hey,

you were in my dream

(again)

did you ever leave?

 

Thing(s) I do not do anymore:

hair masking my hair with a chocolate hair mask

reading pride and prejudice

 

No one asked me if I was okay

Why does it feel like I am the one who's responsible for everything

Guess what they say is true, all I have is myself

 Hi

Hi there!

How are you?

aku percaya

everything will come at the right time

kamu di kehidupanku

aku di kehidupanmu

perpisahan kita

mungkin pertemuan kita selanjutnya

waktu S.Psi ada di belakang nama lengkapku

waktu aku udah ada di ruang praktikku

atau

dalam waktu dekat ini

mungkin

waktu kamu butuh
'the chain wont be at my door'

I'm always here

always

satu hal yang aku belum sempat bilang

aku juga percaya

bahagia sama sedih itu satu paket

no you're not the saddest human being

waktu kamu ngelamun

waktu kamu diem

kamu pasti mikir

 inget

bukan kamu sumber masalahnya

you deserve to be happy

so be happy

mungkin banyak banget something that i believe in

yet

you dont

you dont believe in anything

that's okay

fine

tapi

please

believe in youself

gemes rasanya

when i have so much to tell you

but i couldnt

when i wanna help you

but i couldnt

when i wanna rise you

but i couldnt

balik lagi

everything will come at the right time

aku tunggu kamu di ruang praktikku

i pray for those in need

i met a girl, and she told me a story

she knew a guy. a guy who need someone to tell him to clear his mess, someone who give him a "wake up" call, someone who could tell him and made him realize what happen with him. she thought she had an interest with his life, then she entered his world. she tried so hard to understand the way he think. she was so patient just so he would feel comfortable with her. but before she could land her feet to help him, it came to an end.

she knew how broken, sad, and lost he was. she knew that he couldnt move on from his lost in his past. she knew the reason why he couldnt take any commitment to be with someone was because he was so afraid of losing. she knew how truly insecure he was. but she believes in him, she did everything he said so he could feel confident, and thought he was her one. she knew he needed some distraction so he could forget what he wanted to forget. so he played a game. and his life became a game to him.

she knew how bad it could be when she let him in her life, but she took the chance and the risk, she knew his past from the people she knew, and everyone said "dont". but she didnt listen. she knew that there was a lot of good in his. she knew that he could be better than he was. she didnt want to change him, but she wanted him to change himself.

but what a shame. the only one who believe there was something good in his was only herself. she knew he didnt know what to do, and the right way to take. and that was just all. now they are nothing.

and she told me

she wanted the best for him. she wanted him to find himself. she hoped he didnt lost anymore. and she still believe the are so much good in him. she wished he could be someone better than before. she prayed.

she told me that she didnt mad at him, she didnt want a revenge or something, the only thing that she felt for him was just pity. and the only thing that she thought on him was just a hope. a hope that he could change himself to a better way and got back home. and no, she wasn't that sad.

and the girl who told all the story above was me.