10:54 p.m.

It was the time when I saw your picture. You looked so handsome in that picture, as usual. You slicked your long hair back, you wore your usual square pattern shirt, and black tight jeans. You were with your sister in that picture. Your sister looked so beautiful as always. You knew I always adored her, and you told me, I was better than her. 

Your sister tilted her head. Her hair fell perfectly on her shoulder. She wore her favorite loose tee shirt. She was adorable with minimum make up on her face. I wish I was her.

You didn't smile at the camera, just looked at it. You rose your eyebrows a bit and tiled your head back. You looked charming. You could melt every girl's heart without doing anything, and I thought that was your gift. Every girl wanted to be with you but you were so hard to get. You were boyfriend material and you were m i n e.

Your eyes. Two piercing eyes stared at the camera, It felt like a dagger and a sword stuck in my chest. The room around me felt so small and I couldn't breathe. My hands picked a lot of broken glass and made it bleeding. I felt so much pain in my chest. The more I took a breath, the more I felt the pain. I never felt so much pain, hurt, and disappoint like this before. I couldn't describe this pain. 

I felt a liquid streamed down on my face. Teardrop.

I closed my eyes and flashback started. We were in my house and lying on the carpet. I put my head on your shoulder and twisted my hands around you. I felt your head on my head and your arm around me. It felt so comfortable to be with you that way. We had conversation and ended with kiss.

I still remember the kiss, I was looking at your eyes and yours at mine. Suddenly, you cupped my face and bring it to yours. I felt your lips on mine. You opened your lips and I could taste your mouth, It tasted like mint on your tongue. Your tongue ran along with mine. I could hear your raspy voice called my name. I put my hand on your chest and I could feel your chest moved up and down from your rapid breathing. Your hands moved to my waist and flipped me over, so you were on top of me. I ran my finger on your hair, squeezing them. Our tongue still moved together with the rhythm. I moved my hand again, placed it on your waist and moved under your tee shirt. I lifted your tee shirt up, I could feel my hand touched your warm waist. I didn't know what exactly I did but I pulled your tee shirt over your head and threw it away. We started our kiss again and I put my hands on your muscular chest.

I shook my head, trying to end the flashback. That was hurt to feel what we used to. The tears was still streaming on my face and I couldn't handle it. I just let myself crying, I hoped the tears took the pain away. I felt breathless, still felt the pain in my chest and I wanted to rid it. My mind, my heart, all over my body were in pain. 

Those eyes still made me drown in my own thought. 

The last time I saw your eyes, they were bloodshot, full of tears but you didn't let the tears out from your eyes. The last time I saw your eyes was when I cried hard after I yelled at you. The very last time I saw your eyes was when you walked through my door and you turned your head back to face me for the last time. 

1.06 a.m.

When I missed you.

Boys will always be boys

Kata kata indah bercucuran keluar dari mulutmu. Mengubah segalanya menjadi lebih baik, memberi warna kepada bunga mawar layu, dan menghijaukan kembali rumput yang telah kehilangan harapan. Semua kata kata itu kuterima dengan senyuman dan pipi merah merona. Janji janji manismu berhasil menjeratku.

Kata sayang terus terucap, kata cinta selalu mengakhiri percakapan, tetapi semua perbuatan dan tingkah lakumu membuktikan omonganmu hanya sekedar uap yang keluar dari mulutmu. Tak berbentuk.

Sesungguhnya, otak ini ingin bertarung melawan hati. Logika ingin mengalahkan perasaan. Tetapi rasa yang ada berhasil mengalahkan segalanya. Pikiran selau beradu dengan perasaan, hanya karena seorang lelaki yang ingin dicinta tetapi tidak mencinta.

Sudah cukup, terimakasih....