I listen to songs everynight, hope something will change the meaning of the song. It doesnt matter with the lyrics, it matters because that day, i listened to that song when i thought about you. Every night, 12 am until 3 am, in my room when the light came only from my phone screen, I smiled and giggled like a mad girl hallucinated about something funny inside her head. But i wasnt hallucinated, i was having conversation with you.
We took a walk down the road over two blocks away, and we turned back when we saw a river. You said "it's too dark to go there. So beautiful yet so dark, hard to guess whats in it, like you" whispered. Then, i looked up at you..
I dont know about you now. I dont know do you still remember what we did after my birthday or not, i dont know about what you remember about us a long time ago, or probably you just wipe your system and forget me as quick as i lost you.
Those spotlights around me cost me nothing. Not even guys who want me and i can easily pick who i want. I cant find someone who knows me better like you. I cant find someone who will find me on hiding place and bring me back to home at 3 am in the morning.
You said i was special because you were back for me and i believed it. For god's sake how stupid i was. But after i lost you, i started to think about what you said to me, and i knew all of that were lie.
You were gone and i didnt know where to find you. I got confused and i didnt know how to calm myself. Two hours later, i found myself in the middle of the dance floor, drunk. I tried to move my body, walked to the edge of the room, to the wall. I couldn't believe what i saw, everyone moved their body, danced with the music, and there i was, lost.
I stepped my feet outside the building. I didnt know what i was doing, i never did something as sloppy as this. I didnt know where i was heading, until i saw something familliar, my hiding place. I was in roof top of the buiding, all i could see were lights. I heard the wind playing with my hair, and the sirene was the music. I thought about what happened in the past 2 months when you came into my life. Crazy things happened to me and the feeling that i felt was undescribeable. You came and brought me a sun, then you came with thunder storm, and you were back with the rainbow. Then you were gone and i didnt know where you at. I fücked up. I thought you left me, i thought you went with someone else, i thought you forgot me. I looked up at the moon and asked myself, why was i doing it? And i started to cry.
I heard the metal door creaked open, i guessed it was security. Then i turned my face and met your eyes. You looked at me with your sad face, with your "are you okay up here, drunk, and alone?" Face. You walked straight at me, heaven only knew even when the lights came only from the moon above and the building beside, you still looked so damn gorgeous. You didnt lose your eyes on me, you took my hand and i felt so weak. I couldnt feel my feet and you holded me. You led me to your car and i just could see you face. I couldnt think about anything else. Walked to your car was all silent, i didnt say anything either do you. I didnt know what to say or ask. There was a lot of questions i wanted to ask, and a lot of things i wanted to say.
The moon was shining, i decided to open the car window. I wasnt sober yet, but i knew i was with you. I missed you but i couldnt say it and i knew you too. You kept your eyes on the road and didnt say anything.
What was really insane and out of my head is when you left, i mean really left me. You didnt say anything and just left. For fück's sake you didnt say a thing to me. No explanation. Nothing. You left me confused in the middle of nowhere. Were we done yet? Or not?
You are a total jerk. You're ässhöle. You're son of a bïtch.
Those words stick on you since you left me. I dont know why and dont ask me why. I must admit i never regeat anything in my life except letting you stepped in my life.
We met once, twice, but because you're a dïckhead you didnt say anything. I tried to accept that but that was rude leaving someone without any explaination especially when that someone was your girlfriend.
I didnt know how to deal with you anymore. So i tried to forget everything and i did. Until now, in the middle of the night, its 1.20 am, halsey is playing her roman holiday, in my room, and the lights are out, I. Write. Something. Everything. About. Us.
Feel it. When you want to write everything but you cant find a word. Feel it when the drum plays and the music goes up, hits you, you feel the emotion in your chest, you feel the pain, you want to write it but you cant.
We know that we're headstrong, and our heart's gone, and the timing's never right.
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